Late last week, Vivek Ramaswamy, a top contender in this summer’s Suck-Up Olympics, raced his way through the Libertarian Party’s convention in Washington.
We may still be weeks away from the actual Summer Games in Paris, but the Suck-Up Olympics — a months-long series of contests to win presidential hopeful Donald Trump’s favor — are in full-force, featuring an exciting new event (relay-race speeches in front of the Manhattan Criminal Courthouse, where Trump was found guilty Thursday of 34 counts in his hush money trial) as well as a slew of classic sports (sprints to Mar-a-Lago, marathon speeches at Lincoln Day Dinners, mental gymnastics performed by Trump detractors turned sycophants).
“It’s sort of a debasement decathlon,” says George Conway, a Trump critic whose on-the-ground commentary has made him the de facto Bob Costas of these games.
Advertisement
At the Libertarian convention, which took place at the Washington Hilton, Ramaswamy donned his traditional uniform (a crisp navy suit) and slalomed his way through conventioneers with T-shirts that said “Black guns matter” and “Don’t tread on me.” Wherever he went, Ramaswamy offered praise for Trump — who was not the choice of most conventioneers.
“I’ve had a lot of conversations with President Trump since I left the race and endorsed him, and he has a lot of strong libertarian instincts,” Ramaswamy said in a message tailor-made for this crowd.
End of carouselThe Trump booster did appear to stumble, briefly, when he told a reporter that his favorite president was Thomas Jefferson. But he regained his footing moments later.
“If I may add to my answer: TJ had two terms,” Ramaswamy said. “So let’s see what Trump does with his second term. Let’s give Donald his shot, is what I’d say.”
At stake for participants: the chance to be part of a future Trump administration — perhaps as vice president, a Cabinet secretary or just a favored member of the Republican ruling class. And the competition for Trump’s affection is stiff.
North Dakota Gov. Doug Burgum (R), a low-wattage participant, has speed-walked his way into V.P. consideration by showing up everywhere to defend Trump.
Sen. Tim Scott (R-S.C.), meanwhile, who earlier this year told Trump “I just love you” onstage, has become so infatuated that there were jokes in his camp that he would have the former president officiate his upcoming wedding in August.
Even Nikki Haley, former U.S. ambassador to the United Nations, has performed an acrobatic floor routine to balance her Trump criticism (she called him, among other things, “unhinged”) with the fact that she plans to vote for him in November.
The months leading up to any presidential election are often filled with plenty of sucking up, but it took someone like Donald Trump for it to feel like an Olympian affair.
“If I had wanted to be Mitt Romney’s secretary of state, say, what would I have done?” says former congressman Adam Kinzinger (R-Ill.). “I would have gone to some campaign events, raised some money, made statements on legislation. It used to be at least in part about showing your competency.”
“You can show all the competency you want,” he says. “But to get picked for anything, you have to be willing to debase yourself on behalf of this guy. That’s all he’s looking for.”
Fortunately for wannabe participants (but unfortunately for the country), Kinzinger says, members of his party have been practicing for this moment for years now. Back in 2019, for example, many of his colleagues were practically “running” to hold news conferences in front of a sensitive compartmented information facility (a secured room in the basement of the Capitol known as a “SCIF”) used for classified depositions during Trump’s first impeachment. The stated goal of the news conferences was for more transparency. But Kinzinger said it was really about proving one’s Trump-loving bona fides.
“Someone comes up with this brilliant idea that you have to do it, and all of a sudden everyone is expected to go or else you’re not conservative enough,” he said. “It’s the same thing happening at the courthouse.”
Share this articleShareThat would be the Manhattan Criminal Courthouse, the location of this year’s top Suck-Up event, where a slew of Republicans flocked to show their support while Trump spent weeks sitting — and reportedly sleeping — through his trial.
“I saw a media report a few days ago that Trump looked like he was falling asleep or bored or something,” Sen. J.D. Vance (R-Ohio), a top prospect for the vice presidency, tweeted from the courthouse. “The obvious narrative they’re trying to sell is, yeah Biden is mentally unfit but this other guy is bad too.’ It’s an absurd narrative. I’m 39 years old and I’ve been here for 26 minutes and I’m about to fall asleep.”
Other competitors at the courthouse included Speaker of the House Mike Johnson (R-La.), former college football coach Sen. Tommy Tuberville (R-Ala.) and Trump superfans such as Reps. Lauren Boebert (R-Colo.) and Matt Gaetz (R-Fla).
“It’s literally like a gang,” says Rep. Jasmine Crockett (Tex.), one of the few Democrats who made the trip to the courthouse to take in the scene. “In gangs you prove your loyalty by jumping someone, going and robbing someone, going and shooting someone. It’s what they are doing, and it’s really sick.”
Advertisement
Conway, who attended proceedings at the courthouse for commentary purposes, says the Trump-fluffing sessions serve a purpose for the candidate. It’s a way around the gag order, which limits what Trump is allowed to say about the trial, and it’s a way to “soothe” what Conway calls Trump’s “unquenchable narcissistic thirst for praise.”
From a tactical point of view, Conway says, the sycophancy makes sense. Trump, he says, is “the only game in town,” and you either show ultimate loyalty or risk being cast out into the wilderness.
Ramaswamy has, of course, made his own visit to the courthouse, showing up in mid-May to challenge the credibility of the prosecutor’s star witness: Trump’s former personal attorney Michael Cohen. There, Ramaswamy stood shoulder to shoulder with a group of fellow Republicans, all clad in red-ties and matching dark suits — like they were wearing the same team jersey. (Ramaswamy says there was no coordinated effort to dress like Trump.)
Speaking to the gathered media in Manhattan, Ramaswamy called the trial a “sham.” He said that the “depressing” courtroom scene was “straight out of a Kafka novel.” He was in tiptop shape, which makes sense considering he has been at it longer than most. During his presidential run last year, Ramaswamy, a slick speaker with practiced charm and a nationalist bent, quickly moved from little-known pharmaceutical company founder to a legitimate alternative to Trump in the Republican field.
And yet, even as a competitor, Ramaswamy did his fair share of sucking up to the front-runner. Last summer, for example, Ramaswamy showed up to Trump’s arraignment for his alleged mishandling of classified documents. There, in front of the federal courthouse in Miami, Ramaswamy pledged that if he were to win the presidency, he would pardon Trump.
Since dropping out, Ramaswamy has spent months running cross-country, endorsing MAGA candidates, speaking at Republican dinners and state conventions, and making the case for the businessman that he says motivated him to jump into politics himself. He has also, in recent weeks, become an activist investor in BuzzFeed, amassing an 8.3 percent stake in the company and trying to push the website to the right, suggesting it become a platform for the likes of former Fox News host Tucker Carlson.
There have been reports that Trump is more interested in having Ramaswamy in his Cabinet (perhaps as Secretary of Homeland Security) than as his running mate — the top prize of the Suck-Up Olympics — which hasn’t seemed to dampen Ramaswamy’s enthusiasm for the presumptive nominee.
Which is why he found himself at the Libertarian convention last week, making the case that it would take Trump — along with a “libertarian-nationalist alliance” — to “rescue the country.”
He also hurdled shouts from hecklers.
“F--- yourself if you’re going to cuck yourself for Donald Trump!” an attendee shouted.
“He’s free to express himself,” Ramaswamy said without breaking stride.
Advertisement
And while the Suck-Up Olympics can be both a marathon and a sprint, Ramaswamy didn’t seem interested in saving his breath. After a rapid series of interviews, he headed backstage in the main ballroom for what was supposed to be a 90-minute debate with a Libertarian Party candidate for vice president.
But first he gave a speech. Ramaswamy agitated the crowd by encouraging them to cast their ballot for Trump rather than waste their vote on a candidate who might never get more than 3 percent of electorate. Still, Ramaswamy wasn’t above sucking up to the attendees, recounting his days as a “libertarian rapper” in college and suggesting that even if the audience’s preferred candidate won’t be elected president, that doesn’t mean the people gathered at the Washington Hilton should be without a voice in government.
“If I have anything to do with it,” he said, “I believe many people in this room should be advising if not directly involved in the next administration.”
Or, if not many people, at least one specific person in the room. Ramaswamy may not have won the Republican primary, but there are still plenty of medals to be won in the Suck-Up Olympics.
ncG1vNJzZmivp6x7uK3SoaCnn6Sku7G70q1lnKedZMC1xcueZqmnp5q%2FcH6Pa2toaGVkgHJ706uspqhdq71uwsivnKRlopa6or%2FWmqSyZaaesKZ5z6ucrKGUmru1ew%3D%3D